my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
yanibaby, there's no such thing as salvation yani :)
pwpwpwpwpwpwpwpwpwpw. its clouding my mind and everything has to be forgone to give it first priority, except God.
ogay, seriously i have nothing to blog about so i don't see the point of this. oh pw with them jes now was quite fun despite my horrible mood. i dont seem to be in the mood for anything now. ennui in my veins again, har-har. AIYA I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY LA. im a girl of few words, 'nuff said!
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9:42 AM;
Sunday, October 23, 2005
oh how could i forget to post this, i cut my hair!! heh. i've got bangs now! but it looks weird when i tie my hair cuz the bangs are a little too straight gotta wait for it to grow out a little more. looks like i wont be tying my hair much now. who cares, school's out anyways
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11:13 AM;
kinda emotional lately due to undisclosable factors. diet's been going not bad so far, one good meal a day followed by soup and fruits. shopped quite a bit today with mom and aunty doris. i got the jeans! :D but i look fat in them so futher incentive to lose weight!! got a pair of cute earrings too but damnit so expensive lar. still they were too cute to resist so im guilty of overspending today. mom wanted to get that nike jacket-thingy which was so cool but in the end we decided it aint really what i want so we're gonna look again. owells i do have my roxy jacket, as jasmine loves to remind me hurhur.
oh there's this funkaye japanese pseudo teppanyaki place in taka. food aint darn good or anything but i like it there. and they serve loadsa beef! portion's small though. but it beats yoshinoya anytime so if yall have time go check it out. it's opposite yoshinoya in taka. :)
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10:50 AM;
Friday, October 21, 2005
okay since i have so much time till mom comes to pick me up i shall blog some more. alright shall list down stuff i want. again, may i emphasize on the 'want'. successful demand is when you want and CAN afford it, so i proabably have unsuccessful demand or something. HAHA. i shall buy more pretty clothes to encourage me to lose weight. YES I SHALL.
1. coolio jeans yani and i saw yesterday. perhaps i shall get it tmw. *yani please don't kill me*
2. a BAG goodness i dont know how many times i've said this already. i havent got a single decent bag besides the one i bought from bangkok and i cant even use it for school :(
3. a nice black mini that i can wear anytime. i want those that have stringy ends.
4. a white belt! saw one with bertie but he was like 'what! 20 bucks for a white plastic thing? it's not even leather!' sheesh guys.
5. that nice nike jacket thingy. it aint even a jacket really! i can use it when leading worship! then i wont look so informal! GREAT IDEA EH. :D
6. plain tees (shit i'll really have to lose weight to fit nicely into these)
7. pierce one more hole on my right lobe. right i know this aint exactly fitting for a shopping list.
SIGH HONG KONG WHERE ARE YOUUUU.
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12:42 AM;
Thursday, October 20, 2005
so pw written report's finally done. you have no idea what we went through to get it done. lesson learnt: no more last min work folks. that means we gotta start on our o.p and i&r reallyreally soon.
stay over at my house and chan's house. ha ha it was rather funneh because we all started becoming delirious and the things we did when we were so freaking tired while trying to type were simply hilarious. oh the down-side? i've got more food in my house because mommy thought they were gonna eat a lot and she bought soooo much junk now my house really is like a supermarket. *hwee: please come over soon and help me finish it up!!*
oh but i gotta add, i'm going on detox. soup for two weeks and fruits and corn flakes as breakfast and snacks. non-fat cornflakes to be precise. seriously, bloody clarence said i look plump UGHHHHHHHHHH. im sure he's the only one who thinks so but who cares man! if one idiot can say i look plump, it's gotta have some truth to it. alright alright, admittedly im fatter compared to my skinny shiet self last time, but definitely not FAT right?? okok im paranoid already still i cant let my weight go out of hand. im DEPRESSED.
my grades aren't anything to celebrate for either, but hey what can you expect when you didn't put in much effort. ok fine i did, but it was all last minute so don't come and say like 'but you studied what!!' DAMN RIGHT i did, but i aint any genius that can score an A with last min mugging aight?
AND AS FOR THOSE WHO LOVE TO SEE ME SUCK AT GRADES YOU CAN LAUGH NOW. WATCH ME GET MY LAST LAUGH NEXT YEAR DAMNIT.
disclaimer: that wasn't aimed at my close buds :)
good now that i've said what i wanted, the whole of my j1 year can screw off and go to hell. except my glorious first three months of course :)
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11:44 PM;
Friday, October 14, 2005
woweee tired like shiet and peedarbeeyew is taking over my life noooooooooooooooooooo :(
but my pw mates are great fun so it makes up for everything. im jes sick of going to the same place everyday to do pw lol. and stupid mei and chan have to eat so much and drag me into it.
thursday: after a huge meal of carls' jr, they went to buy a pint of ben and jerrys and we jes sat at those benches looking like real cheapos freeloading off the plastic spoons from carls' jr and we ate like pigs. but it was damn good. can feel my throat giving way though. gotta restrain myself already. then they went back to carls jr to eat AGAIN. goodness and i ordered fries! oh and the waitor was so geekily cuuttee.
today: went to smu for interview and we bugged the security till they finally gave us the number to call sheesh. but the lady was sooo nice damn cool lar can. headed to millenia walk and they started EATING AGAINNNNNN. then it was candy empire-ing for us. shiet i bought wonka's mud sludge and that pseudo willy wonka movie tie in choc bar and this gummy thing filled with sour nerds and this sweet thingy. and i still have whip, m&ms and peanut butter kit kat bar in my fridge and ferrero rochers and A LOT of food daddy bought for me from jasons!!! ARGHH wat happned to the meaning of DIET.
lunch with darrell, david and leonard at heeren after that. didnt eat that much though. darrell's mad about sashimi all he ate was sashimi sushi like waddaheck. met mei and chan again at starbucks, pwed more till we couldnt take it anymore. went to borders to get my books but they didnt have cloud of sparrows. gonna go down to kino to get it tomorrow i cannt stand it when i cant find the books i wanna read. i got my 50 facts book though! preddy happy bout it. and then i shall contemplate on the other books that i have been wanting to buy but have not brought myself to do it yet. decisions decisions. they felt hungry (again- how many times do i have to use this word) and we walked all the way to scotts jes to eat pasta mania which i did not partake of. i chose the healthier path and had yami yoghurt yummm. mei and chan, yall are on ur way down the road of lipids man. :P
open house tomorrow not really looking forward to it. Bertie's coming and i think chickee is too. well if ur coming come look for me k. sms me or something.
yawn im tired, early day tomorrows so i guess this is it nighters.
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9:19 AM;
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
marketing today was rather fun actually, ignoring my (pseudo) bombotic remarks. (the fish is pinkish cuz its blushing and the red one's sun burnt ROFL). marinading everything was SICK to the max but it was kwite an experience. the sotong's so freaking sick can. the black shitty thing was like oozing out and one of the sotong had a fish head stuck in its body. and nice vanna had to scare the daylights out of me by screaming 'AHH FISH HEAD!!' when i was holding the sotong (already gingerly). sheesh thanks a lot vanna :P
MY DORY FISH WAS A HIT :D yay everyone liked it and seriously it smelt good. i love dill :) mommy says its unfair cuz ive never cooked it for her before. well today was my first time and i'm glad it turned out well. really wanted to stay over, they were having so much fun but mommy simply didn't hear of it so too bad for me boo.
im too tired to blog much now jes waiting for my hair to dry. oh mom went to cut her hair and get highlights and she looks like a hot momma now HURHUR. hwei get ready to be dazzled.
hrms shall slack the whole day tomorrow and read my books, watch a couple of dvds which daddy bought. the longest yard! or perhaps i shall go out to watch some movie. dont really feel like going out though. really tired. kays im yawning and my eyes are watering so its a sign to sleep. NIGHTS. :)
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11:09 AM;
Monday, October 10, 2005
im so shagged and my mom says i look the part sigh. woke up really early this morning to meet ching to go to sheng siong to buy bbq stuff. going tomorrow morning too which means another early morning. it was rather fun actually, and the aunties were rather annoyed with me cuz i kept squealing. the fish all piled up atop each other looked really grr-ross and the sotong looked damn icky too. sorreh i haven't been to a market for eons. ha ha believe it or not, STEVEN got the dill for us because only cold storage has it. yay! i can't wait to try my hand at the dory fish, all thanks to my dear kevin! i'll never forget the yummy dory he whipped up for us last time :)
chalet today was alright, bummed around and i gave up trying to learn how to play mahjong after like fifteen minutes or so. played some weird game of ball but it was all good fun :) hrmms i bet they're having loads of fun there now but alas i cant stay over. momma's so protective :( but anyways my house's so darn near. mei lin and tart came over to microwave the mashed potatoes they made cuz the chalet had no oven. and they had fun playing with timmy! OH my favourite dragon show's OVER and the ending's so dumb for goodness sake. at least my darling white dragon's turned good in the end. and there was this game show after the serial that had him in it. gosh he looked so cuteeeee! :D:D:D:D
sunday: church in the morning followed by shopping with aunty doris and momma. it was really damn funny and i bet aunty doris' laughter was resonating through orchard. *hwei: i bet you can imagine it vividly hurhur* mom bought a heap of clothes and boy is aunty doris scary. the skirt was so short i wouldnt even wear it but waddaheck she has nice legs, i don't :( mom got me this nice tube. i was supposed to get this sexaye black dress but mom fell in love with it and she snatched it from me and bought it for herself. like ?!?!?!??!?!?! but i've got tons of stuff so i jes gave in to her. drinks with them at rouge in the night where i polished off a hugeass serving of ice cream. it was daaaamn goooood. i'm supposed to be losing weight but that was not to be missed. phoonie we've gotta do aight? you'll LOVE IT. and we gotta go try the fried mars bars too! :):)
kinda in a dilemma right now and suddenly i jes want everything in this world to stop, and let me breathe. it kinda feels like everything in this whole world is every single person's milieu, but in a different way personally. inanimate or animate, they jes make up something that's made for you to interact with. sounds rather selfish but sometimes it jes feels this way. i guess God's the only one that understands, but now it seems like God's in my way. either way, i'll still submit because there's no one else but God that knows best.
right gotta sleep, im bummed out. niters.
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8:31 AM;
Friday, October 07, 2005
im up now! ha ha it's been a long time since i've woke up at such a late hour. well it used to be the norm for me but ever since jc late seems to be 10am. sigh. museum yesterday was surprisingly interesting. i LOVED that painting of Saint Xavier and Helena really magnificent. it's like larger than life and overwhelming and somehow the archaic feel gets to me and i feel so insignificant compared to a painting which has weathered thousands/millions of years. seriously WOAH.
left for orchard after which we bumped into LOADS of people it became rather embarrassing. sigh. of all the people they have to be from raffles odac SIGH. i mean if it were jes his friends that i dont know i don relly give a shit cuz that'll jes be his problem. like HELLO I BUMPED INTO GERALD PHOON MIAO DE AND TEO SEE CHING?! ARGHH im gonna get hell from them lar. actually jes phoonie cuz my ching is too sweet HMPH. and lots of vj people as well. SIGH. it mean it aint a crime but i really dont like rumours to fly. :( daffodil, charmaine and wanying too! ah waddaheck lar.
shopped a little and im appalled at bertie's taste in clothes. female clothing that is. except he saw this really nice top which is the only exception hurhur. didnt buy much yesterday because i was too tired from all the walking in the museum. that idiot's actually going today and tommorrow too. well i cant blame him actually. if it were stuff directly related to christianity i'd go everyday too. oh and i forgot to mention, i actually saw the throne of pope pius IX! cool stuff huh?
now im waiting for mom to come and pick me up to go to gramp's place. gotta control myself because my grandma'll stuff me with so much food. i'd better pray she dussen have roti prata because i can NEVER control myself with prata. bringing my book along to read too. i've been DYING to read it ever since i finished the first book in the series. and i think im gonna get a few more even though i still have more unread. really wanna immerse myself in books this holidays.
oh i love this post-promos life. i cant imagine what post-pw life will be like HEH.
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11:31 PM;
Thursday, October 06, 2005
post promos plans
-museum with bertie (?!)
-catching up with fangs, petty, kat and all those i have MISSED SO MUCH :(
-a54 bbq
-lunch with david and darrell (LOL DSQUARED MAN!)
-planning of christmas play and youth outreach
-watch corpse's bride! and a gazillion other movies. can you believe it the last movie i watched was mr and mrs smith. gosh.
-gotta meet up with ke'rayzae too! miss them like KERAYZAE!! :D
-open house
-SHOPPING (LIKE DUH!)
woots with so much to do who the hell cares bout math HUH. :D
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3:50 AM;
im awfully depressed. math was horrendous and i was five minutes late. can you believe it i can actually oversleep during the promos. sigh but by God's grace i was only five minutes late. but i didnt get to wash my hair in the morning i jes kinda rinsed it and that ruined my day because if i dont have a good bath in the morning i'll turn into a grouch :(
well now im all nice and clean so im feeling better but math's still cutting my heart
BUT its OVERRRRRRRRRR the damn promos! today's my 'someday'! and there's class bbq to prepare for. gonna feed a54 man! :D
okay i wanna sleep but my hair's wet nvm i shant sigh anymore toodles :)
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2:10 AM;